How To Tell Your Children About Your Divorce

Telling your child about the decision to divorce is a heart wrenching occasion. The worst thing you can do is put it off or not do anything. It is a time of great emotions for you which may include hurt, pain, humiliation, confusion, and a host of other emotions. Yet it is a time when you must deal with the emotions of your children.

The response of your children may range from being pleased (in the case of abuse and/or long term disharmony) to shock, anger or depression. Below I have listed some guidelines for telling your children.

Who should tell the children?

Both parents should tell the children. You should sit down as a family so that everyone will hear the same things and can ask questions.

When should I tell the children?

The best time would be a few days to a week before your physical separation. This will give your children some time to adjust to the news.

How should we tell the children?

Meet as a family. Be available and encourage questions. Be considerate and honest in answering questions. Do not get into blame. Do not discuss details of the other's faults. Do not speak with a bitter, angry or accusing tone.

Be truthful but do not use honesty as a weapon to hurt your spouse. This will only make things worse for your children. Be respectful of your children's love for both of you. Consider the need for stability in their lives.

The more information the better. Don't be so brief that your children try to fill in the blanks. Discuss what changes will occur; for example who will be moving and what you expect might happen. Most importantly, explain that it is not their fault.

And lastly be sure not to wait until one of the parents have already left. Do not lie and do not tell them before a definite decision is made to split up.


The information on this blog should not be considered to be legal advice and does not constitute a client / attorney relationship. Neither is this information intended to constitute psychological advice but is merely common sense knowledge gleaned from anecdotal experience.

If you are seeking to get a divorce or make modifications in the Virginia Beach, Norfolk or Chesapeake area please contact our office to set up a confidential legal consultation.


Oram-Smith Family Law
Jennifer D. Oram-Smith, P.C.
291 Independence Blvd.
Pembroke Four Bldg., Suite 241
Virginia Beach, Virginia 23462
Tel: (757) 226-0141
Fax: (757) 226-0158